That Floating Excrement Was Way Too Symbolic! It's the Television Disappointments of the Year.

Looking back, we reflect on the TV offerings of the recent year, a selection of shows emerge not for their brilliance, but for their notable failures. Ranging from awkward spin-offs to bafflingly bad docuseries, here are the productions that had us scratching our heads or simply reaching for the remote.

The 'Sex and the City' Sequel

Where to begin with this love/hate follow-up? Plagued with woeful writing, painful character development (justice for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of beloved Samantha, the show struggled to justify its existence. Briefly, as the third series started, it looked like it had finally found its groove. Then arrived an installment centered on Seema’s natural deodorant. No wonder the creator declared this would be the last series. It ended on a bum note; the lingering shot of Miranda’s toilet full of poo was simply too symbolic. Yet, fans undeniably had a hoot dissecting every single “what on earth?” moment. And as Carrie – a single woman once more – twirled around her palatial townhouse to Barry White, who didn’t release a small sob?

The Kim Kardashian Drama

‘Is Kim Kardashian an actress? The answer is a resounding no.’

But that was practically the smallest of this show's problems. The subject of a exceedingly uncommon no-star review, it was difficult to know where to start enumerating the flaws. The hilariously wooden writing? The tedious glorification of wealth and materialism? The almost deliberate procession of cliches? Performances so bad they felt borderline malicious? Let’s just say “all of the above” and never speak of this series again. Except, a new season has been commissioned, so we’re probably going to have to.

The Charlie Sheen Documentary

Given the legal troubles, domestic violence claims and fatherly failures, it’s reasonable to say Charlie Sheen has been a bad boy. Not that you’d truly have gleaned it from this multi-part documentary which smirked its way at Sheen’s various episodes of self-destructive hedonism while failing to tell us anything we weren't already aware of. Rather, it felt as if this volatile personality was being indulged, so any sympathy this series might induce should be reserved for the people who have had to suffer proximity with this charismatic but flippant narcissist.

The Iris Affair

Naturally we understood it was preposterous from the outset: a thriller about a AI known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either save the world – or annihilate all of humanity. We persevered out of sheer admiration for its stars … but by the end, it felt like even they had given up trying. One barely cared when his character died, and the other ultimately hacking Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. That's what you call admitting defeat.

MobLand

Dodgy figures convening in empty boxing gyms? The Prodigy’s Firestarter jackhammering away in club scenes? The late 90s called and wants its gangland drama back.

In truth, that is harsh on the gangland dramas of the late 90s. Many look a little old-fashioned now, but at least they didn’t endure the embarrassment of having to accommodate unconvincing accents. But there were many other issues. Mainly that it was just really dull; a dispute over drug-selling territory between various London picaresques which felt rather simplistic.

The Meghan Markle Series

Given the extent to which she grinds the gears of certain ostentatiously angry commentators, it’s temptingly tempting to applaud the Duchess of Sussex’s televised ventures into twee lifestyle as deliberate provocations. But then you watch them and are forced to concede that in this case, they may have a point. It’s like watching a lifestyle catalogue come to life; a meme for evening drinks with ideas of grandeur; a procession of sleeping dogs, humming beehives, Hallmark platitudes and pointless crafting “hacks” you’ll forget instantly. All underpinned by immense, largely undeserved wealth. Ugh.

The Beckham Documentary

There are obviously fascinating things to be discussed about regarding Victoria Beckham and her struggles with career, self-image, self-acceptance. But for some reason, this three-part series opted not to say them. Rather, the experience was like reading a marketing brochure. She clearly has good reason to resent what she describes as her “miserable cow” image. But unfortunately, she failed to do herself any helps with this cagey letdown of a series.

The Game Show

It should have been the next cultural phenomenon – except even camper, with a glamorous star as a deceased benefactor and a well-known personality overseeing her estate. What more could you want? As players competed, there was plenty of betrayal and arguing. But the rules quickly became incomprehensible: it’s still too complicated to explain what precisely was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw brief appearances of the star via filmed videos. The show ended up reeking of a programme that was trying way too hard to emulate something way beyond it.

Too Much

How does one succeed a show that captured a generation? The expectation was enormous for this starry romantic comedy about Jessica, a rosy-eyed New Yorker who arrives in London with a shattered romance. The star took her biggest role by the horns and was a delight to watch, embodying Jane Austen levels of romantic ideals. But it was all very glossy and, ironically, was insufficient. Plus, the sheer amount of famous cameos involved felt icky.

The Sketch Show Return

Not good enough to be ‘uneven’.

Given the smart recruitment of talented younger comics, hopes were high. But sadly, most of it didn’t land. A particular sketch was a single joke milked to a husk but repeated in every episode. One star seemed too willing to slip into a familiar ranting mode. The behind-the-scenes sketches, meanwhile, simply inspired the idea that they should probably have remained in there a bit longer.

The Knox Dramatisation

This retelling of the story of Amanda Knox was overseen by Amanda Knox and pretty much solely showcased the viewpoint of Amanda Knox. So, while there undoubtedly is an interesting drama to be made about the tragic 2007 murder, this isn’t it. The material needed to be treated sensitively. Rather, the series laboured awkwardly to find the right tone, lumbering from strangely breezy, somewhat stylised farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Twisted? Arguably. A total mess? Absolutely.

The Maths Genius Thriller

We love the star … but did we buy him playing the greatest maths genius since, a man so intelligent he’s on the brink of a breakthrough that could destabilise society? No! This globe-trotting thriller about secret services targeting – and eliminating – academics frankly got more absurd by the second. Formulaic nonsense.

1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story

This uncritical portrait followed the content creator renowned for explicit escapades as she prepared for her biggest feat yet. What on earth would possess her? What we craved was way more examination of her actual psychology, plus those of the men in the line. They could at least have spoken to the now-famous mum who appeared to drag her son out of the queue. What we got was horrific shots and zero critical analysis of her notoriety whatsoever. And to think, the filmmaker has a teenage daughter too.